Beginning my story

I've had the goal of making the world a better place...somehow...using the gifts I was given and the wisdom I've gained.  I've been tortured by how illusive that goal has been to attain.  How?  And What? And how??  I realize that one way I can make the world a better place is by telling my story.  I've had the first line of my memoir loosely running through my mind for years now.  Six years, to be precise.  Suddenly, with this burst of hope and inspiration that I'm experiencing, I'm inching towards making this story a reality.  I'm thinking about what this story will entail, where it will lead, what the arc will look like.  And I'm getting excited (and a bit overwhelmed).  I believe that this story has the potential to bring about positive change in the lives of others.  It's just possible that telling my story could actually make the world a better place.  I'm going to try.  Fingers crossed. Hopefully putting this blog out there will keep me accountable.  :)

Change is bursting forth!

Something happened in these past few days that I've been longing for, for such a long time!  A change is bursting through the seams of the Universe.  It's bright and amazing beyond what I've ever experienced before.  I see the life that's possible for myself and am committed to allowing it happen. I'm creating a life in which I'm excited to wake up in the morning.  A life in which creativity, passion and bliss shine through each of my pores unto life's canvas.  A life in alignment with my highest potential.  I want to sing passionately, paint with abandon and write truthfully....all without a care for what anyone else thinks of it.  I want to be me...wildly and fully.  I want to live authentically and blissfully.  My prayer is that the Universe helps me to ride this wave....to awaken my spirit and to follow this joyful yearning.  I am so very grateful.

Paint

Last night should have been the night of my weekly walk to Mt Tabor with my dear friend, Christine. (I'm completely in love with my sacred Mt Tabor walks, but that's a story for another post).  Of course, here in Portland, it's been torrential for the past few days complete with flooding and sink holes.  So no walk.  I did, however, get to finish up the first productive and hopeful day that I've had in quite a while, in quite an inspiring and fabulous way.

After tea and the sharing of stories from our past week (to the nostalgic sound tracks of Miles Davis and Dave Brubeck...some of my favorites from my awakening period of college youth), Christine beckoned me in to her exciting new passion for painting.  It must be said, that I've been wanting to learn to paint for quite some time.  I look for art classes in the community college's non-credit catalog every term with the hopes of finding the perfect class and the perfect time at the perfect location, but so far it hasn't quite lined up. It's one of many creative desires that I haven't acted on.

Christine just took a workshop with Flora Bowley, whose work is beautifully abstract and intriguing. While the style of painting I've been drawn to has been of a different genre, the prospect of jumping on to one of Christine's already in progress paintings with her was pretty exciting.  And I had so much fun...painting without a plan or desired result...just playing with color and form on a canvas!!  Today I binge watched Flora's painting videos as well as painting tutorials on youtube and perused the websites of my favorite artists to really take in what it is that they create.  I'm so excited to get some painting supplies and create!  It really does fill the soul.  Hurray for art!!

Changing Course

Have you ever felt like you're sitting around, wasting your life?  I have.  All too often.  I believe that I was put on earth to do amazing things...to make the world a better place.  It sounds so cliche, but I truly believe it to be true...for every one of us.  I was given gifts that were meant to be used.  I've spent the majority of my life feeling paralyzed by the inability to figure out how, exactly, to use said gifts.  I believe it's possible to live a life in which we get joy from what we spend our days doing.  I believe it's possible to find a way to spread joy, love and healing to so many others through our own joyful creation.  I also believe it's possible to make a living this way.  I have a pattern of choosing to do everything except the things that bring me joy.  It's so self-defeating.  I've jumped from one job or new career path to the next.  Not one of them has been in alignment with the things that bring me joy. I dance around that center place.  I do everything but the things I've always wanted to do.  It's ridiculous, really.  I've chosen to be unhappy and unfulfilled.  I get so caught up in the how, the overwhelming how, that I just plain walk away from the things that bring me joy.

This is my journey to change my life and live in a different way.  Starting today, I'm changing my choices.  I'm adding healthy practices into my life and removing the time wasting debilitators. Today I started my day with meditation and visualization.  I know from past experience that this can be life changing.  I'm writing every day.  I'm singing every day.  I'm organizing my life through organizing my home and my work space.  My hope is that by faithfully making good choices, my life will transform ever so swiftly, and that bit by bit, the how will become clear.  I can do this.  (And so can you, by the way!)